Monday, June 6, 2011


Tonight was my first night back in a LONG time and I managed to live to write about it. It was my favorite exercise......RUNNING the MILE....LOL!! I did not expect the mile my first night back at camp. The negative thoughts were running through my mind and I literally wanted to leave, but I didn't. My time was better than the very first timed mile which took me almost
18 mins. My time tonight was almost 16 mins. I was doing OK on the first two lap and then it started going downhill. My last 3/4 lap was done with other campers joined me and cheered me on to the finish line. They has finished and the ran back to make and offered encouraging words as I was giving out of energy and take short breaths. They encouraged me to control my breathing by taking deeper breaths and getting control. They even sang me a song!!! I don't remember the words, but I know that it was a country song. THIS IS WHAT MAKES FITWIT DIFFERENT!! Support means more than anything and during the times that I wanted to give up they were there pushing me to the end! I am glad to be back and will strive hard to make it to camp. Getting back in the routine is going to be an adjustment considering I have a work function tomorrow and will miss my 2nd night back, but I have decided that I will workout during my lunch hour. I realized that I'm an example for my daughter and I have to teach her habits that will improve her quality of life. Since the death of my father, Diamond has developed several issues and still trying to figure out some of her issues. As a mother, I hate to see her on so much medicine that don't seems to help. One thing that I know and have been told is that she needs to lose weight. I realized that I would be less of a mother is I allowed her to fall into my footsteps. I strive for her to be better than me. Lindsay is working with Diamond in helping to achieve some fitness goals and weight loss. I have set some reachable goals for the both of us as we strive together to reach them. I have removed dairy out diet by 75% ans working on the other 25%. The hardest thing for her to stop eating is cheese, but we have managed and we aer fine. We are just one step to reaching out goal.

I am just EXCITED to be back and know that if I stick to it then I will obtained my goal by the end of the year. I am going on a cruise for my birthday in a few weeks and very excited and will not let those 4 days mess up ALL my hard work prior. I am striving to lose 8-10lbs per month. I stepped on my scale tonight and it was CHEERING me ON!!!! I am headed in the RIGHT DIRECTION again and I just need to stay focused and know that anything that I want is worth HARD WORK with TEARS and SWEAT!!

Thanks 7pm Grant Park for your support in helping me strive to achieve my goals. I NEED your encouragement and for you to PUSH me!!!!

Positive thinking is a MUST!!!


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Jo is COMING BACK.............

Wow!! It has been such a LOT time since I have blog, but FitWit has been in my thoughts. ...I am glad to start camp again. I ran out of excuses and need to finish this journey.....

The last couple of weeks have been the HARDEST for me....I lost my father and I was Daddy's Little Girl! My daughter suffers from asthma and had a BAD attack as this is the first time that she has experienced death. She is still coughing or should I say literally barking and doctors don't know the cause. We have been to the ER 3 times and over 10 dr appointments. She has been pumped with steroids and told to rest and as a result she has gained weight.....with all this going on...I have allowed FOOD to control me and started emotionally eating. Cupcakes were my friend (so I thought) until I stepped on the scale last night at Weight Watchers. I realized that when you are sick you go to the doctor, when you are hungry you eat......when you need to lose weight and get in better shape then you go to WW and FITWIT!!! I know that FitWit works and I sent Josh an email and stated that I am ready to commit. I NEED YOUR HELP FITWIT!!! My weight has been up and down and I realize that I can't do this alone and I need the "family' to push me once again. I really want to hit my goal by the end of the year.............I have to get this weight off!! I want to be here to raise my daughter and see her develop into the young lady that I am raising her to be. Diamond is doing VERY well in school. She got a scholarship to stay at her school last year. She won the Student of the Year, Most Mannered Girl, Citizenship, and Principal Honor Roll(ALL A's). Despite her missing her last 13 of 15 days of school. Her teacher came to visit and brighten up her day and she was able to return on the last 2 days of school.

My Mom "Ammi" has lost over 100lbs and doing GREAT!!!! She has joined the gym and doing water aerobics several times a week. You will see her this summer walking the track and we strive to get Diamond in better shape.

I am nervous about starting camp since it has been such a LONG time!! I know that my fitness level is at a -10 when I worked so hard ans doing well. Once you have started FitWit and compare then to will realize that they are 2nd to NONE!! I hired a trainer for a short period of time and when to several small group classes.....I feel that it was more about $$ and not my goal of getting in shape.....That is ALL IN THE PAST NOW and not it time to work and get into this small dress size by my cruise in a few short weeks.

Depending on a preset dr appt for Diamond on Tuesday, I will see you guys on Thursday!!!


Monday, January 24, 2011

first snowpocalypse then kidney stonemageddon...

I've been battling kidney stones since March 2010 popping a few out every few months. This last Monday, I was suffering through my usual aches and pains but my left kidney was hurting more than usual... as the day progressed it got worse and by Tuesday I was unable to stand up straight or move around much without terrible pain. It persisted through the week and finally yesterday I couldn't stand it anymore and went to the hospital. Since I am still unemployed (also since March 2010) I am sans health insurance and have to go to Grady. Nothing at Grady is quick or very pleasant... so I kept putting it off until Sunday.

Well I was there from 4pm Sunday until about 3am Monday and saw 2 doctors for maybe 10 minutes each, going over my medical history with both of them only to be offered pain meds and told to come back in the morning, which I did, but apparently not early enough as the walk-in spots were all filled up. Now I have to go again tomorrow at 6am to wait in line for the doors to open at 6:30am and HOPE that they can see me sometime that afternoon....

In the meantime I have to get my Rx filled which will take 2 - 4 hours (or longer if I leave the pharmacy building).

Needless to say, this has put a dent in my FitWit time and I am disappointed, but I don't know what else to do. I hope tomorrow's hospital visit will be more productive than last night's.

I hope to see you all real soon

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Journeys - what to bring with...and what baggage to leave behind

In starting this journey I knew there would be some struggle as I am sorely out of "shape" (and by shape I mean an ideal level of physical health). I knew there would be effort required; a commitment that must be made; a determination to set in motion the things that needed doing to accomplish the purpose of the journey. Some of those things include preparing for the journey, (like packing a bag, making plans and arranging things) as well as leaving some things behind.

What I wanted to bring with me was an open mind and a willingness to endure what I knew would be difficult, but worth doing. What I wanted to leave behind was a negative attitude, years of disappointment at past failures, and most importantly, fear. Fear of pain, lack of progress or noticeable results. You know, the negative aspects of fear... the kind that keeps you from going forward into the unknown (or the into the known, especially if you know it hurts), the kind of fear that binds you to old behaviors, to hiding from progress, or testing your mettle, your integrity, your tenacity to finish what you begin.

But I also wanted to bring with me a little of the good fear. The fear of not having faith in myself, and of not trusting others who are willing to help me. The fear of not being able to push myself and endure what I need to in order to get through this journey. The fear of never achieving a more healthy body and lifestyle. I think it is okay to have that fear with you. The good fear. But that comes with knowing the difference between being afraid and running from the fear, and being afraid and running towards the fear to face it and work through it.

This comes from experience, which comes from following knowledge which leads to wisdom. By showing up at the Goal Setting breakfast, being at the Nutrition Talk, reading the blog and doing more research outside, I am learning more about what I can do, and the potential I have, to attain my health goals. Yet it is still up to me to put these into action, to get up every morning and head over to camp, and participate at the highest level I can. And it is hard. No question about it. But I can see it for what it is: an opportunity (for which I am eternally grateful) to reshape the shape i'm in.

This has only been my first week, and though I am working from modified (but structured) exercises, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even though that light is burning through faith. For I can quench it just as easily by giving up and giving in. That is what I don't want to happen. So I want to leave the fear of agony behind and pick up that fear of giving up and carry that with me on this journey. And with the kind and continued encouragement that I have felt so far by my fellow campers and the trainers, that fear will also fade as it becomes knowledge, and that knowledge becomes experience, and that experience become wisdom which will carry me forward. And then I won't have to rely on fear to push me towards my goal. But an educated and encouraged knowing that I am on the right path, and on the right journey.

So forth I go.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Back to the Basic and Gettting things back on track!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It is a GREAT feeling to be back at FitWit and with my friends that share a common goal! I was excited about the first night of camp and really enjoyed the workout. It was thoughtful of Josh to ease us back into camp. I am sore now and still feeling it when I get up and sit down, but it was not like before. I haven't had a date with Espom so far! LOL! I have recommitted myself to the program, so I need HELP in keeping me on track. PUSH ME!! I need the words of encouragement as I continue along this journey. I know that I could have been at goal if I would have stuck with the program. I left LIFE set me back and that is the wrong direction to be going. I understand that things happen. I am proud of myself and have only gained a 1 pound since my last Nov weigh in. I was surprised and thought that I had put on some pounds.

The NEW YEAR has brought me SO MANY CHANGES and NEW THINGS! I just changed jobs and today(1/5) is my 1st day. As I transition, I am hoping that the next week or so will be smooth, but I understand that things happen. My attendance should not be effected. I have recommitted myself to church on Tuesday and will miss camp for that reason. I am starting a fast with several friends, so there will be lots of new changes that I pray for. I think that it will help in many aspects of my life. I will post the details SOON!

Time was not NOT on my side on Thursday and it caused me STRESS!!! I planned to pick up Diamond from school and still work out! Marta was LATE, I picked her up about 5:30 and live about 20-25 mins from the school with traffic. I got home got dressed and it was 6pm and I had a meeting at 8pm. I just worked out at home, but I know that it was not the same workout that I would have gotten at FitWit! I realized that I have to bring my clothes with me and planning is the key! I feel that I have gotten off to a rough start and we are only one week into the new year.

I will be there are camp tonight READY to work!!! I am prepared......


Happy New Year

So Monday, January 3rd 2011 was my first day at Fitwit's 6:45 am group and it was an interesting experience. For those who may have read my essay entry into the contest which won me my spot (thank you all by the way), my first session was modified to accommodate my personal weight and health issues for which I am grateful. But if I, or anyone else, thought that they were going easy on me were proven WRONG. I got home feeling like I was hit by a bus and dragged under it for a few miles. And yesterday was my second day... and even then they stepped it down a notch as I was dealing with kidney pain (I passed a few kidney stones that morning...) but was also still recuperating from Monday's work out, and moving slow as everything hurt. But pain is something I deal with everyday, but this was nearly debilitating, as all I could do was come home and sleep for 5 hours. And today, I feel like I was hit by a second bus, thrown under a train, and used by a punching bag by a group of angry boxers. I am walking and moving very slowly and begrudgingly, but I am working through it.

Breathing helps, even though that hurts as well. Slow deep breaths help calm the body as well as allows more regenerative oxygen to flow through the blood stream and help heal the soreness. I am going to be honest here and say that I will not be doing much walking today as my kidney still hurts and my knees feel like someone stuck broken glass under each knee cap, but I will be stretching and working with some 7 pound weights that I have. Hopefully I will get through this enough to accomplish more on Thursday and Friday. I will be there, but maybe none to happy about it... at least that is how I feel now. But there are some things you just have to work through, and I've already been through a lot in my life, and I know that nothing comes easy and without effort. At least it never has for me.

I turn 44 next monday and that means I have been carrying around about 200 extra pounds (i am currently at 492... yeah I know.) on and off for the last 20 - 23 years now and that takes its toll. Not only just on the body, but the spirit and the will as well. So many times I've come close to losing the weight only to plateau 100 pounds from my goal (i'd love to see 250 again) and that can be downright depressing and disheartening. And it feels as if I may never shed this weight without surgical help, but so far, I've never been able to afford it. Its a struggle for sure, but one worth it. I just hope to see results, and right now it is hard to see "pain" as a result. Sure people can say all they want about "no pain no gain" and that they work through the pain. Pain is different for different people, and so far, the trainers at FitWit seem to appreciate that and show a compassion and willingness to work with you in managing it, but still encouraging you to find a way to work through it, and I appreciate that. Yesterday I was unable to go to my artist community meeting and was disappointed about that. I didn't blame myself, mind you, but just realized that I couldn't walk or move without every inch of my body screaming in pain. I would not have been able to enjoy the meeting in that condition, so I opted to stay home and rest.

But I tried not to sit or lay in one place for too long. I made a choice to get up and move around as much as I could. I read some (Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis), killed some zombies (Left for Dead 2), watched the Rebel Alliance kick some evil Galactic Empire butt (Return of the Jedi), played with my cats (Talon and Claire) making them chase me as I drug a toy around the room, and did some job hunting (Career Builder, CL, Job Fox, etc). I desperately need a job or some form of income as I think my unemployment benefits end in 2 weeks (unless I am one of the few to be granted extensions), and that stress is also heaped on the pain from the work out, the pain from the kidney, and the other stuff I deal with on a daily basis. If it sounds like I'm whining, so be it. Whine whine whine. Its all part of the process, right?

Tonight I hope to have the strength to make it out the door to my worship and prayer night at church as I could use that right now. I didn't sleep well last night. Had lots of disturbing dreams and kept waking up feeling like crap. So I may nap today for a short while, take a hot shower and ease myself out the door. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, I think I've said enough. I'll post more towards the end of the week, but felt this would be an opportunity to be open and honest about my experience, which is something I will unapologetically do as I am far beyond worrying about my image or what others think of me. I think it best to be honest to myself and for myself. And that is why I am doing this fitness program for myself. So as much as I appreciate any and all outside encouragement and critique (again thanks to all who have been supportive so far) I will push myself the hardest. I need this. I want this.